Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
