wakey wakey hands off snakey
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
