just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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