I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
