is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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