You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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