Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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