We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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