if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
