worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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