guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
