i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
