i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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