Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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