so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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