I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
