$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
