So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
