I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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