i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
