I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
