You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
