This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
