smell my finger.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
