Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
