Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
