nut hugger
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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