god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
