real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
false alarm, still single
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
