sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
