broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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