hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't make out with my wife yet
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
