Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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