so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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