none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
