Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
