VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
