Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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