Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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