He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
