Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you would pick up someone in the library
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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