Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
