Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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