maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
