Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
