That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
