Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
