I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
