he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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