They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
